afternoon.tea.for.two :)

9.18.2007

hei new guy,

i was and still afraid to continue what we have, i knoe sths there, i feel just as much as you do when you touch me, i like it just as much as you do when you kiss me, its jst im pulling away now bc i knoe tht if i dnt pull away soon i might find myself falling in love again and i dnt think im prepared for tht.

but youre doing it. youre making me start to fall in love with you. and im sitting here crying bc im so scared but at the same time, im so happy im falling in love with you. ive waited for all this time to find someone with a real love, and when i least expected it .. you walked into my life.

you listen when i talk abt him, always there when i cry over him and make me finally smile. im crying for the last time i hope, i trust that you wont hurt me. ive told you many times tht its so hard for me to trust another guy right now, but i think youre worth it to me.

so, heres my heart, see all the little cracks? .. yeah theyre pretty big and awfully broken, but you, i knoe tht youre the one tht could make it completely shatter. promise me you wont, please, pretty please? i knoe it seems like im this strong girl who can get through everything, but inside im very fragile. im so afraid to care about someone. ive had so many things thrown at me, and each one has only made a crack. but what im really afraid of is .. shattering?

i love you. but not in the way that *i want to spend the rest of my life with you* .. its more of *i dnt knoe what id do without you* .. youre the epitome of everything ive ever searched for in another person and it scares the hell out of me tht my dream of a guy do really exists?

i knoe i could love you much better than this but im afraid it would break my heart someday bc i hv this fear that one day youll finally get a good look at me and im going to disappoint you cause youll see that im not as strong or as good as you think i am? and im afraid tht itll change the way you think about me. jst like the others did.

im afraid to move. im so scared that this feeling will leave me as quickly as it came. i am so afraid that ill be alone once again. i am so terrified that my heart is going to break. i am so scared that im going to be the one picking up the pieces of my broken life once again. i am so scared ...

11:22 AM
sometimes funny . sometimes quirky . always honest .

8.11.2007

hey clouds,

hey clouds
why wont you move away a bit
id like to meet a friend of mine
sunshine
and youre blocking my way

hey clouds
its getting darker down here cant you tell
how bout a little more light
for the sake of heart

hey clouds
why should you be so stubborn
cant you simply move on
and go on your way

dont you have any other to bother
how bout gimme some space here
youve been up my head quite awhile
and am getting sick of you

hey clouds
im on my knees now
dont you know that humans can not live without sun
just as much as a heart can not live without a light

hey clouds
please
just go away ...

3:31 AM
sometimes funny . sometimes quirky . always honest .

7.23.2007

pecun lo emang .

MALESSSS

liat orang sok sok sering ke gereja , pelayanan , baca alkitab , berdoa , ngakungaku sayang banget sama pacarnya ..

.. padahal attitude nya lebih ancur dari perek .

misalnya aja kae si cewek ini , nancy namanya .

(:

*bo , kaenya gw lagi mau dapet deh ...

1:59 AM
sometimes funny . sometimes quirky . always honest .

7.19.2007

old habit dies hard ..

how could he still affect her like this , after everything hed done to her ?

the sound of his voice ..
the way he reached out for her out of pure instinct ..
helping her the way theyd always helped each other ..

" dont forget his old habit " , a voice in her brain piped up .

an old , bad bad habit .

ahh .. but then again , maybe its true what they said about bad habits :

they really die hard .

12:56 AM
sometimes funny . sometimes quirky . always honest .

7.14.2007

who says i say all the things they say i say ?

people make stupid mistakes . and im just someone that keeps them coming , i knoe . hurting the ones i hold most dearly and care for and wanted to get to know . killing the ones that cared for me and tried so hard . but i pretty much just blew them off and said , " whatevs i dont give a fuck . "

well im sorry and i wish i could turn back time . but me and my stupid self , are nothing but cover ups , with all the mistakes that have been in my life . ive tried and tried . gave and gave . but in return i get people that are full of shit . treating me the same way , and yeah i guess i pretty much deserve it .

so here i am just wanting to say that i am truly sorry for all the chaos i have caused . i know i was wrong and i have no way of letting you know that i wish i could turn back time . and make everything alright again . it was my fault . and i KNOW it .

who says i say all the things they say i say ?

4:00 AM
sometimes funny . sometimes quirky . always honest .