afternoon.tea.for.two :)

5.30.2007

year 1997 says hi :)

bubBa is sleeping now .. like a pig . and im bored . so im thinking to post something here .. heehee im sorry people you hv to read my blablabla jst bc of my boredomness :) and i guess you mustve feeling bored too tht youre willing to read my shit . so enjoy !

ps. people BEWARE , if youre nt willing to read my 1001-night-stories-ish .. then i suggest you should jst , .. kiss me ?

*************

well , tibatiba aja jadi kepikiran tentang masa lalu . tsahhh .. masa lalu ! anyways , gw lagi pengen cerita nih pas jamanjaman gw masih sd . yeah those days , were hell FUN for sure .. but in a way , gw suka ngerasa sedih , gak enak , totally guilty .. until now . heehee kog bisa ?

um pernah nonton MEAN GIRLS kan ? the one abt these mean , popular , bitchy girls tht put a lot of pressure on others ? yeah .. ive been there , .. and done that .

jadi gini ya critanya : pertama kali gw naek kelas 5 , i was scared of not havin any friends karna begitu naek kelas , automatically kelas gw ganti dong . dan anakanak kelas 4 gw juga udah dipindahpindahin ke kelas 5a 5b 5c and 5d .

and on my first day , pas gw lagi sibuksibuk nyari kelas gw yang mana , gw ngerasa ada yang nyolek gw dari blakang dan pas gw noleh , dia langsung bilang , " eh , lo christina susanto kan ? lo ada di kelas gw , 5c . duduk sebelah gw yuk ". dan jadilah gw duduk di sebelah dia . trus kita mulai kenalan . sebut aja namanya L .

i nvr forget tht day how i adored her fancy bag , her fancy pensil case , and .. dnt even let me start abt her looks . she got this beautiful long brown hair , pretty face and popular vibe .. i felt pretty intimidated by her .

but it wasnt tht long bc L was ultra friendly and introduced me to her other 2 friends , M and K . we didnt hv anything much in common actually , tapi gk tau kenapa i jst didnt feel tht theyre strangers anymore .

and on my second day , L gave me a nickname . katanya , nama christina itu kepanjangan . jadi dia kasi gw nickname CS yang nempel terus ke gw sampe skg :)

god , i was pretty happy tht time . kita berempat kemanamana pasti bareng . dari pagi sampe sore tiap hari . dan dari mreka gw pertama kali tau kita mesti pinterpinter pilih merk sunblock dan SPF nya berapa . kenal fashion mags . kenal yang namanya meni-pedi . mikir kalo kaoskaki yang panjangnya 4cm di atas ankle is a big NO . jadi kalo pake kaoskasi klo pendek , pendek skalian , klo mau pake yang panjang , panjang sekalian . tau tamagochi yang waktu itu belom keluar di indo . and those branded stuff . and of course , barang kita semuanya sama . dari stationaries sampe snacks kita yang mesti imported dari overseas . semuanya kembar . and i was like what , 10 ? 11 ? ..

tapi lama kelamaan it wasnt fun aymore . L gk kasi gw temenan sama yang lain . and she treated others like shit man . maybe bc she thought others werent as good as us , i think ? gk tau deh , sampe skg gw juga masih gk ngerti alesannya apa .

bayangin aja ya , waktu itu extracurriculer kita brenang , and one day , pas nyampe ke swimming pool nya , gw liat spot yang biasa kita dudukin udah keambil , trus gw bilang , " eh kita duduk mana ya ? " . trus L bilang , " tae enak aja tu cewek main ambil spot kita !" dan langsung lah dia ke spot kita itu dan teriak ke salah satu cewek , " MINGGIR ! " . ajaibnya , itu anak nurutnurut aja loh . gk pke ba bi bu lagi langsung packed up their bags and left . dan gw , pas masih sibuksibuknya bilang " eh sorry yaa .. eh sorry yaa .. aduh .. " tangan gw langsung diambil dan gw dsuruh duduk and shut up .

i knoe , normal ppl will go like .. WHAT THE FUCK ? and youd xpect me to stand up and say no , this is soo nt right , blablabla .. and became a hero rite ?

but no i did not . i didnt do anything actually . i jst sat down like a chicken and kept my mouth shut . dan setelah kejadian itu .. everything was goin worse .

i became jst like L . mungkin gw ngerasa i got some kind of power or sth ? im nt sure .. tapi yang pasti , gw benerbener jahaattt banget ke semua orang . i became this snobbish , bitchy , mean girl . i didnt talk to others , i didnt ask for help if i needed it . i ORDERED them . a nightmare , basically .

trus suatu kali lagi L ngerasa annoyed banget sama dua cewek , A and D . soalnya A and D slalu mau ikutan "genk" kita . slalu mau ikutan terus in any events . dan yang namanya L , klo gk suka ama orang , ya ampyuunnn galak nya seh ngalahin anjing abis ngelahirin lho . sumpa . dan gw lumayan bingung seh sama A and D yang tetep keukeh aja gituu usaha temenan sama L .

one day , K yang punya bokap perusahaan spatu , nawarin spatu babydoll ke kita . lucu dan manis . dan tentunyaa yang bole beli spatu itu cuman kita berempat : L , M , K and me . pertamatama D pengen , cuman garagara takut ama L , akhirnya gak jadi . laen sama D , kalo A dengan sgala cara dia tried to buy the shoes . pokoknya singkatnya A berhasil beli spatu itu stelah all the dramas and tricks .

tibatiba .. A digampar loh sama L .

i was stunned . bo , kita waktu itu baru kelas 5 SD for gods sake !! and then i realised .. no i dnt wana be like L . i hated myself tht time . im still hating tht part of me until this second . ppl , you dnt knoe and youll nvr know what ive done tht year . its jst too terrible to be mentioned and listed im dead serious . and im jst so thankful tht we were kind of .. drifted apart .

lucunya , pas kenaikan kelas 6 , i became best friends with A :) and we still are . dan gw gk pernah sih ngerasa nyesel kenal L and others . i think God purposely gave me them so i can be what i am now . gw gk bilang im better than them . no bc im so nt . im jst glad bc through them , i value friendship highly and i learned hell so much , yes , including the sunblock and socks rules :)

*************

Aaaahhh .. LEGAAA !!!

10:14 PM
sometimes funny . sometimes quirky . always honest .

5.25.2007

i want to be / pause / your muse

love you are not my love.
i told you it was chemical. i told you not to fade away. love you are not my love. i told you i fear. i told you i did not like it like this. i told you i did not want to have to kill. love you are not my love. i told you one thing you must not break. love you are not my love. you are the giant in my psyche if only. you were half as sane.

10:36 AM
sometimes funny . sometimes quirky . always honest .

5.12.2007

tell me ,

what happened to us ?

how did we become so .. broken ?

.. is it because we fell in love ,

and at some point ..

the people that we love forgot to love us back ?

5:02 PM
sometimes funny . sometimes quirky . always honest .

5.06.2007

only for you darl :)

you noe what they say .. LOVE doesnt always go jst like the way we planned it . and yes it sounds so fuken cheesy but theyre actually true . there are few things in life that are harder on you than jst the time when you realised that the love you hv worked so hard at and spent so much time on .. is finally over .

and also the painful fact that the relationship youre in was jst not good anymore for you. jst face it : youll be survive on your very own .

ow jeezus , thats life . its gona get you down at times ! but you hv to suffer through the fuken pain and tears ! and yes its gona hurt like fuken hell , youre gona cry a million tears , but you have to stay strong ..

fight those tears from your eyes ,

and live life because you only have one ?

2:59 AM
sometimes funny . sometimes quirky . always honest .

5.04.2007

hei you.

i love you , thats all i have to say.

but you left me here standing in the rain.

please come back.

i need you.

so for if i loose you again,

i will not be able to pick up the pieces

12:08 AM
sometimes funny . sometimes quirky . always honest .

5.03.2007

you noe youre OBSESSED when ..

you spend more the 100 buks on a doll that you plan on sanding down and painting up later anyways.

you name that doll LONG before it even gets here.

you steal from your old barbies so shell have furniture.

you plan on taking the doll you dont even HAVE yet, on vacation with you, and try to think up patterns for a carrying case.

you look around your room frantically, thinking where you can stick a doll house.

you start hawking things you swore you would never part with, because well, shell need a sister soon right?

you start thinking about more mastercards before you get slapped in the head by your logical mother, who tells its fine to buy dolls as long as you dont bankrupt yourself.

you check the Doll forums daily for other deals on BLYTHES.

you stare longingly at kenners on EvilBAY.

and LASTLY, youve completely committed your love to a doll thats in the MAIL.

so yes. I AM obsessed.

and i dnt even care, because I KNOE there are at least another hundred who did the EXACT SAME THING :)

but i do get so upset when people say myDaughters are :
freaky
frightening
spooky
looks like chucky doll
UGLY!

ew GET LOST, BLYTHE HATERS! i mostly think that theyre jst JEALOUS bc they didnt realized their dreams and i do! they bought boots, cars, houses, and here ive my little cute lovely girls and im so happy as theyll NEVER BE. they can say all of these nasty things about myDaughters .. well, they must be stupid, i think.

:)

1:01 AM
sometimes funny . sometimes quirky . always honest .