tea.for.two

hei new guy,

2007-09-18T11:22:00.000+08:00

i was and still afraid to continue what we have, i knoe sths there, i feel just as much as you do when you touch me, i like it just as much as you do when you kiss me, its jst im pulling away now bc i knoe tht if i dnt pull away soon i might find myself falling in love again and i dnt think im prepared for tht.

but youre doing it. youre making me start to fall in love with you. and im sitting here crying bc im so scared but at the same time, im so happy im falling in love with you. ive waited for all this time to find someone with a real love, and when i least expected it .. you walked into my life.

you listen when i talk abt him, always there when i cry over him and make me finally smile. im crying for the last time i hope, i trust that you wont hurt me. ive told you many times tht its so hard for me to trust another guy right now, but i think youre worth it to me.

so, heres my heart, see all the little cracks? .. yeah theyre pretty big and awfully broken, but you, i knoe tht youre the one tht could make it completely shatter. promise me you wont, please, pretty please? i knoe it seems like im this strong girl who can get through everything, but inside im very fragile. im so afraid to care about someone. ive had so many things thrown at me, and each one has only made a crack. but what im really afraid of is .. shattering?

i love you. but not in the way that *i want to spend the rest of my life with you* .. its more of *i dnt knoe what id do without you* .. youre the epitome of everything ive ever searched for in another person and it scares the hell out of me tht my dream of a guy do really exists?

i knoe i could love you much better than this but im afraid it would break my heart someday bc i hv this fear that one day youll finally get a good look at me and im going to disappoint you cause youll see that im not as strong or as good as you think i am? and im afraid tht itll change the way you think about me. jst like the others did.

im afraid to move. im so scared that this feeling will leave me as quickly as it came. i am so afraid that ill be alone once again. i am so terrified that my heart is going to break. i am so scared that im going to be the one picking up the pieces of my broken life once again. i am so scared ...

hey clouds,

2007-08-11T03:31:00.000+08:00

hey clouds
why wont you move away a bit
id like to meet a friend of mine
sunshine
and youre blocking my way

hey clouds
its getting darker down here cant you tell
how bout a little more light
for the sake of heart

hey clouds
why should you be so stubborn
cant you simply move on
and go on your way

dont you have any other to bother
how bout gimme some space here
youve been up my head quite awhile
and am getting sick of you

hey clouds
im on my knees now
dont you know that humans can not live without sun
just as much as a heart can not live without a light

hey clouds
please
just go away ...

pecun lo emang .

2007-07-23T01:59:00.000+08:00

MALESSSS

liat orang sok sok sering ke gereja , pelayanan , baca alkitab , berdoa , ngakungaku sayang banget sama pacarnya ..

.. padahal attitude nya lebih ancur dari perek .

misalnya aja kae si cewek ini , nancy namanya .

(:

*bo , kaenya gw lagi mau dapet deh ...

old habit dies hard ..

2007-07-19T00:56:00.000+08:00

how could he still affect her like this , after everything hed done to her ?

the sound of his voice ..
the way he reached out for her out of pure instinct ..
helping her the way theyd always helped each other ..

" dont forget his old habit " , a voice in her brain piped up .

an old , bad bad habit .

ahh .. but then again , maybe its true what they said about bad habits :

they really die hard .

who says i say all the things they say i say ?

2007-07-14T04:00:00.000+08:00

people make stupid mistakes . and im just someone that keeps them coming , i knoe . hurting the ones i hold most dearly and care for and wanted to get to know . killing the ones that cared for me and tried so hard . but i pretty much just blew them off and said , " whatevs i dont give a fuck . "

well im sorry and i wish i could turn back time . but me and my stupid self , are nothing but cover ups , with all the mistakes that have been in my life . ive tried and tried . gave and gave . but in return i get people that are full of shit . treating me the same way , and yeah i guess i pretty much deserve it .

so here i am just wanting to say that i am truly sorry for all the chaos i have caused . i know i was wrong and i have no way of letting you know that i wish i could turn back time . and make everything alright again . it was my fault . and i KNOW it .

who says i say all the things they say i say ?

they say ..

2007-07-01T03:34:00.000+08:00

we havent been through half as much as they have . sure , they watched in horror as they heard the news of kennedy being shot and went through the vietnam war. they went through raids , the kent state mystery ..

but weve been through columbine and saw the twin towers fall . weve been through virginia tech and have had to fight alcoholism and battle eating disorders . we fight a different kind of war : one with ourselves and feeling never being good enough . weve seen bulimia and anorexia . they say we havent been through much , but weve been through just as much , and maybe more ?

randomness : orang indo kenapa sih , sukaaa banged nyelak dan gak mau ngantri ? gw gk peduli biarpun lo tante yang lagi hamil , abg EX , or just a 9 year old girl : NGANTRI EEEKKKK !

xx

all too often ..

2007-06-24T17:39:00.000+08:00

i set my life aside

all too often

my dreams went sailing by

a chance of freedom

a chance of faith

a chance ill take

knowing it all will disappear

it aint anywhere but here

all too often

the dreams i dreamed have died

all too often ...

can i ask why ?

):

I THINK I DESERVE A FRIEND ..

2007-06-22T12:31:00.000+08:00

who makes sure i am always at my BEST --- even though sometimes i just want to slap her .

the stand up comedian so funny i dare not to call her with a full bladder !

a RICH friend who always pays for dinner .

a POOR friend who lets me pay for her .

who has spent holidays with my family , getting tipsy with my granny and put out the flames of rivalry between me and my little sister .

whos never grown up : continuous entertainment way .

the work friend who has BIG ears and a small mouth .

the neighbour who will lend me her cake tin .. or jimmychoos .

who knows by my smirk that theres more to the story than just a goodnight kiss xx

whos the frist on the dance floor .

who turns up and helps when i need it without having to be asked .

.. and who looks forward to growing old with me (:

UPDATE : si M tibatiba kasi comment di friendster gw lagi .. katanya sekarang she got 9 blythes .. yeah , BITE ME .

what do men want ?

2007-06-18T21:33:00.000+08:00

spend a lot of time discussing what women want but no one really asks the question :

what do men want?

i hv a theory . men like women who dress for men and im nt jst talking about the sleazy ones either . this should be obvie to us girls but i continually hear single girls complain they get plenty of compliments from other women , but not men . why do we dress for the approval of other women ? and how do we dress for men and still be comfortable and stylish ?

i decided to ask the authority on the subject , a group of regular men . it all started with a red light . i was stopped on george st watching the reaction from a group of this regular men to women walking past them on the street .

i did encounter the obvious first , all eyes turned when the girl with the short skirt and long legs walked past . but following , i watched the reaction to two attractive girls , both similarly dressed in corporate dress . i had my ideas on why they differed in the style ranks , so i wondered if this group felt the same .

i asked , “those two girls that just walked by , what was the difference , why did you look at one and nt the other ” ?

“ sneakers ” one of them immediately answered .

“ it has to be the hair , i love when a girl looks like she puts effort into her hair ” commented another .

prompted for further detail :

“ its the overall look of a girl , the first one was wearing nice clothes tht looked like they were good quality . they fit her body well so we could see the good bits and ignore the rest . her hair was done in a style , nice bag and she was wearing heels , men love heels they make the legs look good no matter how high they are ” .

and the second one girl?

“ well she jst looked messy . even though she was blond , which does attract men its messy and shoved into a hair band . her clothes didnt fit and looked saggy . the worst part was her shoes , at this they all agreed vehemently , i hate when girls wear sneakers with their work clothes , cnt they find anything nice thts comfortable to wear ? it makes their legs look short and stumpy and jst ruins the whole outfit no matter how nice it is ” .

o well i was dumbfounded . these guys could be fashion critiques ! they had jst pinpointed everything tht was right and wrong about those girls . i had watched them both walk past the group of guys –-- and they didnt jst turn their heads when the brunette walked past they all stunned !

i must say , i agreed with them fully . she didnt look slutty , she didnt hv the most amazing body in the world and she didnt look like she spent all morning in front of a mirror . she jst had style . it was that simple . id tell she had a wardrobe full of well made , classic staples tht suited her . instead of spending all morning working out what to wear she was able to blow dry her hair which was obviously well kept and easy to manage . her shoes were simple kitten heeled sling-backs which are always the best option for a skirt as they show of our calves and create the illusion of well maintained pins .

i decided to take this information and create a list of what men want –-- or a list of simple things we can do to make ourselves more appealing to the opposite sex :)

1. black is HOT

2. men dnt like to see our boobies in public , but they do like to know they are there

3. men like to buy lingerie

4. its the little things tht count

5. men dnt like makeup .. too much makeup

6. men like legs

7. grooming can be easy

8. and finally , OLD SCHOOL POSTURE !

so next time you want an opinion on how you look , consider asking the men in your life wont hurt you . brothers , guy mates , even your local barman . jst be prepared for the answer thts coming next !

ha .

sure , youve all grown up . EEKKKK !!

2007-06-15T01:14:00.000+08:00

gw lagi ngerasa .. annoyed . and this is WHY :

temen kecil gw , si M , dari dulu tuh emang anaknya KIASU banget ( read : gk mau ngalah ) . kadang tuh rasanya pengen gw tendang ke bulan and byebye darling .

*CASE 1 - JAM babyG
dulu , pas jamanjamannya jem babyG pas gw kelas 6 sd , gw sempet dibeliin nyokap dan gw pke ke skolah . aduh tolong ya , yang namanya jem , gw tuh gk ngerasa its something special yang mau gw pamerin ke anakanak karna emang basically gw gk suka pke jem . tapi yaa ksian nyokap deh yaa udah beliin mahalmahal gk gw pke ?

trus si M pas liat jem gw , langsung dengan KIASUnya bilang ,

M : jem baru ce ? sama dong . kemaren gw juga baru beli lagi .

me : iya ?

M : iyaa . gw beli .. erm 12 warna gitu deh . biar bisa gantiganti terus tergantung gw lagi pke baju warna apa .

me : oh , kog lo tetep pke yang ini terus ? *sambil ngelirik jem dia warna biru BLUWEK*

M : ermm .. iya , ke skola mah pke yang jelekan aja . gw pke kalo pegipegi doang .

selama bertaotaon gw kenal dia , pegi bareng , makan bareng , maen bareng , gk pernah sekalipun gw liat jemnya dia yang laen selain biru BLUWEK itu lho . masi ktinggalan di toko jem kli yaa ?

*CASE 2 - WIG
dulu gw sempet norak pke jepitan strip wig kecil warna coklat ke skolah . tau kan , yang jepitan ada rambutnya itu lho . yang mesti djepit di bawah rambut . jadi keliatannya i got brown streaks on my hair ? ew , i know . shut up .

M : pas bangettt .. kemaren baru ajah ngko gw beliin gw wig . yang benerbener wig , bukan yang kecil itu kae lo punya ..

me : warna apa ?

M : iyaa . gw beli .. em 12 warna gitu deh . biar bisa gantiganti terus tergantung gw lagi pke baju warna apa .

me : ohh .. bagus deh .

bisa dtebak , tiap kali kalo gw kruma dia mau liat wig nya , pasti adaaaa aja alesannya . o well benernya sih gw juga udah nyadar dia gk punya the wigs . iseng aja . heehee .

*CASE 3 - SHOES
pas di greja , lagi kebaktian ..

M : omg ce , gw punya sepatu exactly persiiis banget sama punya lo !

me : oh , beli dimana *** ?

M : ermm gk tau deh , nyokap gw sih yang beliin .

pas slesai kebaktian gw keukeh mau kerumahnya dengan niat mau mencari kebenaran . tsaaahhhh ...

me : mana *** spatunya liat dong !

M : ermm lagi dicuci sama mbak gw kaenya .

me : okay , djemurnya dimana ?

M : gk tau deh .

me : loh ? ini kan ruma lo ? djemurnya bukan druma lo ?

dan ini saatsaat BODOH gwww .. dia langsung mengganti topik pembicaraan !! dan karna gw juga sangatsangat EASILY distracted , jadilahhh gw seru sendiri dengan topik pembicaraan baruu !! idiot .

*CASE 4 - LES BAHASA INGGRIS
jadi yaa critanya gw kompakan berdua sama temen gw si A les inggris bareng di EEC yaa kalo gk salah namanya . lupa gw . trus pas gw lagi ngegosipin guru tutor kita , si M nyamberrr aja ,

M : eh gw juga les di EEC loh !

me : oh ya ? hari apa *** ? yang jem brapa lo ? kog kita gak pernah ketemuuu ..

M : lo berdua yang kapan ?

me : hari slasa sama kamis sore jem 5an .

M : oh jelas aja gk ketemu ! kan gw yang hari rabu and jumat ..

A : guru lo sapa *** ?

M : gk tau namanya sapa ..

A : okay .

si A itu emang udah keki berat dan gondoknya udah lumayan to the max , jadi dia decided buat telvon ke EEC buat confirm . oh my . you dnt even need to know the answer , do you ?

*CASE 5 - HOLIDAY
okay ini kejadiannya pas gw udah kenaikan kelas 2 smp . waktu itu gw sekeluarga decided mainmain ke perth . A went to bali and singapore . dan M dengan pede jaya dia katanya mau nengokin "RUMAHNYA" yang di .. LONDON , UK . trus waktu itu gk sengaja gw telvon M karna gw udah mau take off . dan nyokapnya yang angkat telvon ,

me : hai tante .. ini cs .. *** nya ada tante ?

tante : oh .. lagi pegi bentar tuh dia .. ada pesen gk ? atau mau telvon ntaran lagi ?

me : oh gpp deh tante .. saya cuman mau pamitan doang , ini lagi mau brangkat ke perth ..

tante : ohh iya ati ati ya kamu .. ntar cs mau titip apa dari china ?

me : ermm .. china ?

tante : lohhh .. iya kan kita mau liburan ke china .. *** gk bilang ?

me : heehee enggak tante , gk jadi ke london ?

tante : london ? BUKAAAN , BUKAN LONDON , kita ke CHINA , itu loh yang ada BEIJINGnyaa ..

me : ohh iya deh tante .. heehee .. blablablablablablaa ..

*****************

and recently , yang bikin gw like , WHAT THE FUCK ?!! , garagaranya si M ngaku ke gw klo dia baru beli 7 blythe dolls in hk . and one of them is Lounging Lovely , which is the same as myBonita . dia bilang di hk dia beli cuman 750ribu rupiah .

YEAH , KISS MY TINY ASS .

firstly , harga LL last year itu 1100 HKD . which is .. what , 1.290.000 IDR ? dan this year harga LL naik lagi . jadi kalo emang harga LL yang dia beli segituuu .. oh my , gw nitip deh , selusin .

secondly , aduh dunia itu memang sangat sempit . singkatnya , temen dia yang ternyata temen gw juga , nanya ke gw kalo beli LL yang murah dimana soalnya M lagi nyari . jadi artinya dia sekarang gk punya LL dong ? and a big fat chance , dia juga gk punya blythes yang lainnya , yes ?

ih .

*****************

gw pengen dia blajar buat JUJUR aja kenapa sih . penting banget yaa punya banyak blythes . penting yaa punya jem babyG and wigs 12 warna . penting banget yaa lo ke london instead of china . and what the fuck is wrong with china anyway ? I LOVE CHINA ! THEY SELL EVERYTHING IN CHINA ! AND THEYRE FUKEN CHEAP !!

gw gk benci sih sama dia . i swear . i jst need to know WHY . and i want to understand WHY . mungkin banyak orang bingung kali yaa kenapa gw masih mau ajaa gituuu tetep temenan sama dia . alesan gw simple kok : she is a loyal friend and she values friendship highly .

these days .. susah lho nyari temen yang gk suka makan temen , munafik dan gk mau diajak susah bareng . and shes one of tht rare kind . i cnt afford to lose her . jadi kae nya gk mungkin klo gw yang mesti ngomong " okay *** , i know tht youre lying . so jst fuken tell me , WHY ? and after this shall we grab a meal ? "

pusing ya . and in a way , gw pengen dia tau kalo gw tau . and hopefully .. next time dia bakal jujur ke gw and everyone else :)

im open with ANY suggestions . anyone ? please ?

*****************

and i thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday ..
and all of those little kids are going to do the things that parents do ..
and they will all kiss someone someday .
but for now , sledding is enough .
i think it would be great if sledding were always enough ,
but it isnt .

*****************

2007-06-05T00:58:00.000+08:00

garagara mesti decide my major real soon , isengiseng ah ikutan kuis disini :)

You would be very happy in a career that utilised your level-headedness, and allowed you to work mainly on your own. You want a career that allows you to be creative, without having to be involved with lots of people. Some careers that would be perfect for you are:

Artist
Historian
Banker
Novelist
University Professor
Photographer
Vet
Paralegal
Graphic Designer
Online Content Developer
Webmaster
Producer
Managing Director
Nutritionist
Advertising
Nursing

You like working and being alone. You like to avoid attention at all costs. You tend to keep to yourself, and not interact much with the people around you. You enjoy spending time with a few a close friends. You like to listen to others, but dont like sharing much about yourself. You are very quiet and private.

You are very practical, and only act after thinking things through. You dont like being forced to answer quickly. You have to evaluate the situation completely. You make decisions based on what you can verify with your senses.

You like to be deeply involved in one or two special projects. You like to be behind the scenes. You are very logical and fair. You feel you should be honest with others and protect their feelings.

You trust your gut instincts. You are easily inspired and trust that inspiration. You are very innovative. You analyse things by looking at the big picture. You are concerned about how what you do affects others. You worry about your actions and the future. You tend to use a lot of metaphors and are very descriptive and colourful in your choice of language.

You are very creative, and get bored easily if you dont get to express yourself. You like to learn new things. You dont like the same old routine. You like to leave your options open.

*****************

RANDOM : bubBa made me choco cakes on our 4th anniversary day ..

soo pretty and had my names shape .. and WHATS THAT ON THE CORNER OF THE BOX ?

aww .. its a FLUFFY CUDDLY BEDTIME blythedoll !!!!

heehee me so hapie :) people please say hello to MISCHKA my new family member ,

*****************

what a frightening thing is the human , a mass of gages and dials and registers . and we can read only a few . And those , perhaps not accurately ..

xx

year 1997 says hi :)

2007-05-30T22:14:00.000+08:00

bubBa is sleeping now .. like a pig . and im bored . so im thinking to post something here .. heehee im sorry people you hv to read my blablabla jst bc of my boredomness :) and i guess you mustve feeling bored too tht youre willing to read my shit . so enjoy !

ps. people BEWARE , if youre nt willing to read my 1001-night-stories-ish .. then i suggest you should jst , .. kiss me ?

*************

well , tibatiba aja jadi kepikiran tentang masa lalu . tsahhh .. masa lalu ! anyways , gw lagi pengen cerita nih pas jamanjaman gw masih sd . yeah those days , were hell FUN for sure .. but in a way , gw suka ngerasa sedih , gak enak , totally guilty .. until now . heehee kog bisa ?

um pernah nonton MEAN GIRLS kan ? the one abt these mean , popular , bitchy girls tht put a lot of pressure on others ? yeah .. ive been there , .. and done that .

jadi gini ya critanya : pertama kali gw naek kelas 5 , i was scared of not havin any friends karna begitu naek kelas , automatically kelas gw ganti dong . dan anakanak kelas 4 gw juga udah dipindahpindahin ke kelas 5a 5b 5c and 5d .

and on my first day , pas gw lagi sibuksibuk nyari kelas gw yang mana , gw ngerasa ada yang nyolek gw dari blakang dan pas gw noleh , dia langsung bilang , " eh , lo christina susanto kan ? lo ada di kelas gw , 5c . duduk sebelah gw yuk ". dan jadilah gw duduk di sebelah dia . trus kita mulai kenalan . sebut aja namanya L .

i nvr forget tht day how i adored her fancy bag , her fancy pensil case , and .. dnt even let me start abt her looks . she got this beautiful long brown hair , pretty face and popular vibe .. i felt pretty intimidated by her .

but it wasnt tht long bc L was ultra friendly and introduced me to her other 2 friends , M and K . we didnt hv anything much in common actually , tapi gk tau kenapa i jst didnt feel tht theyre strangers anymore .

and on my second day , L gave me a nickname . katanya , nama christina itu kepanjangan . jadi dia kasi gw nickname CS yang nempel terus ke gw sampe skg :)

god , i was pretty happy tht time . kita berempat kemanamana pasti bareng . dari pagi sampe sore tiap hari . dan dari mreka gw pertama kali tau kita mesti pinterpinter pilih merk sunblock dan SPF nya berapa . kenal fashion mags . kenal yang namanya meni-pedi . mikir kalo kaoskaki yang panjangnya 4cm di atas ankle is a big NO . jadi kalo pake kaoskasi klo pendek , pendek skalian , klo mau pake yang panjang , panjang sekalian . tau tamagochi yang waktu itu belom keluar di indo . and those branded stuff . and of course , barang kita semuanya sama . dari stationaries sampe snacks kita yang mesti imported dari overseas . semuanya kembar . and i was like what , 10 ? 11 ? ..

tapi lama kelamaan it wasnt fun aymore . L gk kasi gw temenan sama yang lain . and she treated others like shit man . maybe bc she thought others werent as good as us , i think ? gk tau deh , sampe skg gw juga masih gk ngerti alesannya apa .

bayangin aja ya , waktu itu extracurriculer kita brenang , and one day , pas nyampe ke swimming pool nya , gw liat spot yang biasa kita dudukin udah keambil , trus gw bilang , " eh kita duduk mana ya ? " . trus L bilang , " tae enak aja tu cewek main ambil spot kita !" dan langsung lah dia ke spot kita itu dan teriak ke salah satu cewek , " MINGGIR ! " . ajaibnya , itu anak nurutnurut aja loh . gk pke ba bi bu lagi langsung packed up their bags and left . dan gw , pas masih sibuksibuknya bilang " eh sorry yaa .. eh sorry yaa .. aduh .. " tangan gw langsung diambil dan gw dsuruh duduk and shut up .

i knoe , normal ppl will go like .. WHAT THE FUCK ? and youd xpect me to stand up and say no , this is soo nt right , blablabla .. and became a hero rite ?

but no i did not . i didnt do anything actually . i jst sat down like a chicken and kept my mouth shut . dan setelah kejadian itu .. everything was goin worse .

i became jst like L . mungkin gw ngerasa i got some kind of power or sth ? im nt sure .. tapi yang pasti , gw benerbener jahaattt banget ke semua orang . i became this snobbish , bitchy , mean girl . i didnt talk to others , i didnt ask for help if i needed it . i ORDERED them . a nightmare , basically .

trus suatu kali lagi L ngerasa annoyed banget sama dua cewek , A and D . soalnya A and D slalu mau ikutan "genk" kita . slalu mau ikutan terus in any events . dan yang namanya L , klo gk suka ama orang , ya ampyuunnn galak nya seh ngalahin anjing abis ngelahirin lho . sumpa . dan gw lumayan bingung seh sama A and D yang tetep keukeh aja gituu usaha temenan sama L .

one day , K yang punya bokap perusahaan spatu , nawarin spatu babydoll ke kita . lucu dan manis . dan tentunyaa yang bole beli spatu itu cuman kita berempat : L , M , K and me . pertamatama D pengen , cuman garagara takut ama L , akhirnya gak jadi . laen sama D , kalo A dengan sgala cara dia tried to buy the shoes . pokoknya singkatnya A berhasil beli spatu itu stelah all the dramas and tricks .

tibatiba .. A digampar loh sama L .

i was stunned . bo , kita waktu itu baru kelas 5 SD for gods sake !! and then i realised .. no i dnt wana be like L . i hated myself tht time . im still hating tht part of me until this second . ppl , you dnt knoe and youll nvr know what ive done tht year . its jst too terrible to be mentioned and listed im dead serious . and im jst so thankful tht we were kind of .. drifted apart .

lucunya , pas kenaikan kelas 6 , i became best friends with A :) and we still are . dan gw gk pernah sih ngerasa nyesel kenal L and others . i think God purposely gave me them so i can be what i am now . gw gk bilang im better than them . no bc im so nt . im jst glad bc through them , i value friendship highly and i learned hell so much , yes , including the sunblock and socks rules :)

*************

Aaaahhh .. LEGAAA !!!

i want to be / pause / your muse

2007-05-25T10:36:00.000+08:00

love you are not my love.
i told you it was chemical. i told you not to fade away. love you are not my love. i told you i fear. i told you i did not like it like this. i told you i did not want to have to kill. love you are not my love. i told you one thing you must not break. love you are not my love. you are the giant in my psyche if only. you were half as sane.

tell me ,

2007-05-12T17:02:00.000+08:00

what happened to us ?

how did we become so .. broken ?

.. is it because we fell in love ,

and at some point ..

the people that we love forgot to love us back ?

only for you darl :)

2007-05-06T02:59:00.000+08:00

you noe what they say .. LOVE doesnt always go jst like the way we planned it . and yes it sounds so fuken cheesy but theyre actually true . there are few things in life that are harder on you than jst the time when you realised that the love you hv worked so hard at and spent so much time on .. is finally over .

and also the painful fact that the relationship youre in was jst not good anymore for you. jst face it : youll be survive on your very own .

ow jeezus , thats life . its gona get you down at times ! but you hv to suffer through the fuken pain and tears ! and yes its gona hurt like fuken hell , youre gona cry a million tears , but you have to stay strong ..

fight those tears from your eyes ,

and live life because you only have one ?

2007-05-04T00:08:00.000+08:00

hei you.

i love you , thats all i have to say.

but you left me here standing in the rain.

please come back.

i need you.

so for if i loose you again,

i will not be able to pick up the pieces

you noe youre OBSESSED when ..

2007-05-03T01:01:00.000+08:00

you spend more the 100 buks on a doll that you plan on sanding down and painting up later anyways.

you name that doll LONG before it even gets here.

you steal from your old barbies so shell have furniture.

you plan on taking the doll you dont even HAVE yet, on vacation with you, and try to think up patterns for a carrying case.

you look around your room frantically, thinking where you can stick a doll house.

you start hawking things you swore you would never part with, because well, shell need a sister soon right?

you start thinking about more mastercards before you get slapped in the head by your logical mother, who tells its fine to buy dolls as long as you dont bankrupt yourself.

you check the Doll forums daily for other deals on BLYTHES.

you stare longingly at kenners on EvilBAY.

and LASTLY, youve completely committed your love to a doll thats in the MAIL.

so yes. I AM obsessed.

and i dnt even care, because I KNOE there are at least another hundred who did the EXACT SAME THING :)

but i do get so upset when people say myDaughters are :
freaky
frightening
spooky
looks like chucky doll
UGLY!

ew GET LOST, BLYTHE HATERS! i mostly think that theyre jst JEALOUS bc they didnt realized their dreams and i do! they bought boots, cars, houses, and here ive my little cute lovely girls and im so happy as theyll NEVER BE. they can say all of these nasty things about myDaughters .. well, they must be stupid, i think.

:)

pusing . pusing . pusing . CAPE DEHHH ..

2007-04-28T04:06:00.000+08:00

im soo XCITED people ! heehee i jst bought another 2 sisters for bonita and wednesday , myDaughters :)

i saw bonita and wednesday the other day , .. and they both looked so sad and lonely .. so i thought maybe another sisters will cheer them up . and yes , i always RIGHT :)

nyahahahahaa ..

so this is the problem :
i seem cnt find any names that suits blythe DOLLCENA what is christmas ?

here she is !!

well the options for now are :

Abcd
Bébé
Bijoux
Cleo
Clover
Danika
Domino
Drops
Echolalia
Fuschia
Geneva
Indigo
Isla
Jezabel
Jill
Jinx
Kaia
Keeley
LouLou
Lullaby
Mabel
Mischka
Roulette
Toto

..

okay , i knoe thats an AWFUL LOT of names up there , but pleaseee , pretty pleaseee ? its jst so sad she doesnt hv a name . ppl are jst gona call her " hei you " or " hei doll " or simply jst " hei ! " or even worse , " hei potato head !! "

see what i mean ?

so pleaseee ?

and oh i almost forgot ! people , this is MIU blythedoll MERINGUE COCO <3

i understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible .

2007-04-16T21:03:00.000+08:00

..and how it can actually ache in places you didnt knoe you had inside you . and it doesnt matter how many new haircuts you get , or gyms you join , or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends .. you still go to bed everynight going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you couldve misunderstood and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy .

and sometimes .. sometimes you can even convince yourself that hell see the light and show up at your door . and after all that , however long all that may be , youll go somewhere new . and youll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again .

and all the little pieces of your soul ?
itll finally come back .

and all that fuzzy stuff , those years of your life that you wasted ,
that will eventually begin to fade .

2007-04-08T00:30:00.000+08:00

i feel very , very far away from the world .
i dont know if thats a good or a bad thing .
not hungry , just wanting to carry on working .
the wind is very strong today .
im glad im not a dandelion .

the.little.red.boat
xx

wheres mySUN ..

2007-04-06T21:46:00.000+08:00

seorang wanita bertanya pada seorang pria tentang cinta dan harapan ..

wanita berkata ingin menjadi bunga terindah di dunia ,
dan pria berkata ingin menjadi matahari .
wanita tidak mengerti kenapa pria ingin jadi matahari , bukan kupukupu atau kumbang yang bisa terus menemani bunga ..

wanita berkata ingin menjadi rembulan ,
dan pria berkata ingin tetap menjadi matahari .
wanita semakin bingung karena matahari dan bulan tidak bisa bertemu , tetapi pria ingin tetap jadi matahari ..

wanita berkata ingin menjadi PHOENIX , bird of the sun , yang bisa terbang ke langit jauh di atas matahari ,
dan pria berkata ia akan selalu menjadi matahari .
wanita tersenyum pahit dan kecewa . wanita sudah berubah tiga kali .. namun pria tetap keras kepala ingin jadi matahari , tanpa mau ikut berubah bersama wanita ..

maka wanita pun pergi dan tak pernah lagi kembali tanpa pernah tahu alasan kenapa pria tetap menjadi matahari .

pria merenung sendiri dan menatap matahari .

saat wanita jadi bunga ,

pria ingin menjadi matahari agar bunga dapat terus hidup .

matahari akan memberikan sinarnya untuk bunga agar ia tumbuh , berkembang dan terus hidup sebagai bunga yang cantik walau matahari tahu ia hanya dapat memandang dari jauh dan pada akhirnya kupukupu yang akan menari bersama bunga ..

ini adalah kasih . memberi tanpa pamrih .

saat wanita jadi bulan ,

pria tetap ingin menjadi matahari agar bulan dapat terus bersinar indah dan dikagumi .

cahaya bulan yang indah hanyalah pantulan cahaya matahari .. tetapi saat semua makhluk mengagumi bulan , siapakah yang ingat kepada matahari ?

matahari rela memberikan cahayanya untuk bulan walaupun ia sendiri tidak bisa menikmati cahaya bulan . dilupakan jasanya dan kehilangan kemuliaannya sebagai pemberi cahaya agar bulan mendapatkan kemuliaan tersebut ..

ini adalah pengorbanan . menyakitkan namun layak untuk cinta .

saat wanita jadi phoenix yang dapat terbang tinggi , jauh ke langit bahkan di atas matahari ,

pria tetap selalu ingin jadi matahari agar phoenix bebas untuk pergi kapan pun ia mau dan matahari tidak akan mencegahnya .

matahari rela melepaskan phoenix untuk pergi jauh , namun matahari akan selalu menyimpan cinta yang membara di dalam hatinya hanya untuk phoenix .

matahari selalu ada untuk phoenix kapan pun ia mau kembali walau phoenix tidak selalu ada untuk matahari .

dan tidak akan ada makhluk lain selain phoenix yang bisa masuk ke dalam matahari dan mendapatkan cintanya ..

ini adalah kesetiaan . walaupun ditinggal pergi dan dikhianati , tetap menanti dan mau memaafkan .

hitch !

2007-03-23T15:30:00.000+08:00

lets make a toast ! shall we ?

.. to never lie , steal , cheat , or drink !

but if you must lie , lie in the arms of the one you love ..

if you must steal , steal away from the bad companies ,

if you must cheat , cheat DEATH .

and if you must drink , drink in the moments that take your breath away !

tell me how to forgive ..

2007-03-19T00:59:00.000+08:00

when a person you thought was a part of you ,

when a person you thought could be one of your not many bestfriends ,

when a person you thought is the best one to confide in ,

was happy because of hurting you ,

was happy because of betraying you .

tell me how to forget ,

tell me how to forgive ,

tell me how to let go ..

its bin too many moons .. but the pain remains the same . the anger stays the same . i guess he was right . the past , the present , the future .. all happens in the same timeline .

thats why they stay the same :

the pain , the hatred , the anger , the fury ..

buat audiii :)

2007-03-15T23:56:00.000+08:00

5 reasons why i blog

+ to keep track the journal of my life . kadang lucu ajah .. klo baca blog gw sendiri jadi bisa ingetinget lagi what has happened yesterday .. how i reacted how people reacted . the drama . you noe , that kind of stuff .

+ because i bloody can :)

+ its FUN FUN FUN . dari serunya nyari blogskin . editedit . reply tagboard . checking all the comments . posting . blogwalking . beautiful writings . kasi comment ke orang . im loven it .

+ its fast . easy . and free . haha . klo lagi ada problems .. gk perlu susahsusah deh yaa telvon anakanak .. or sms or sibuk nyarinyari sanasini only to find someone to talk to . dan menurut gw , lebih nancep ajah klo cerita lewat blog . lebih detail and you can type any shit you like .

+ kadang gw suka ngerasa norak juga sih . karna sebenernya kalo mau maen jurnaljurnal-an , bisa kan ditulis di diary HELLOKITTY yang kertasnya wanggiwangiiii dan ada gemboknya :) kenapa semua orang , termasuk gw , mesti blabbing public life mereka dsini ? well i guess buat gw .. its because ,

I WANT MY 5-MINUTES-OF-FAME !!!

as today .. i noe im living for tommorow :)

2007-03-14T21:51:00.000+08:00

i knoe that we are
in fact in no problem
and are absolutely fine
and arent we glad were in sunshine ?

we are fine .

kisskiss xx

skinny models and the other sides ..

2007-03-13T02:03:00.000+08:00

SKINNY MODELS ARE BANNED FROM CATWALK IN ITALY , MADRID AND MILAN

gw baru dapet email dari temen , kabarnya sekarang banyak banged skinny models yang going to lose their jobs because now in Spain , Italy and Milan they implented the law not to allow skinny models to work !

oh well . me personally understand that they want to project a new image of beauty and health from models .. rather than a "waif-like" , or "heroin chic look" . fashion is a mirror and many teenagers immitate what they see on the catwalk . yes , it is true . but what about the models who jst born to be skinny and will NEVER put on weight though they eat like a pig ? please , being skinny is not necessary unhealthy .

buat example , ada temen gw namanya JULIA . damn shes sooo skinny . and hell i do really noe her eating habits .. well i guess everyone noes :) she eats like a pig . no . she eats like a HORSE . she eats like once in every 4 hours , 5 max . and yet , she doesnt even put an ounce ! you noe , some people are jst born to be very skinny . when she bends over , are you gonna see her rib cage ? YES . but shes thin naturally . and theres a big difference between being naturally thin .. and skeletal .

being truly anorexic is a visible condition . women who are naturally thin , DO NOT HAVE gray skin , thinning hair , and bag-of-bones look of someones whos starving herself to death . theres really no way to hide when someones unhealthy on the runway .

it really is a pity .. some models must depend on this money . maybe they are the only one in the family whos making money ? maybe they are single parents who extremely need this money to support their children ?

i think they really really have to check the skinny models very careful .. for those who are UNHEALTHY skinny , i agree with this law .. but for those who are very healthy , why we have to call skinny models the bad models when they work as hard as anyone else ?

and while everyones pointing finger at everyone else , why not ban modelling agencies from sending anorexic models to designers ? why not ban designers for making sample sizes that require starvation ? why not ban dance companies from putting so much pressure on their dancers that their throats snap shut at the mere smell of food ?

theres one thing that perfectly clear to me :
we really have NO IDEA what constitute a real healthy body . both heavy and thin women can be physically fit and in good health .

xx

2007-03-09T00:57:00.000+08:00

aneh..

berani menghina

berani mencaci

berani memaki

waktu ditanya buktinya...

diam .

kasihan :)

my babygirl BONITA <3

2007-03-08T01:07:00.000+08:00

TA - DAAAA !!

my babyGirl bonita arrived home this morning .. isnt she loveelllyyy ?

oh my i jst cnt get enuf of her ! im planning to give her a sister so she wont be lonely anymore .. and maybe gona shop a bit for her dresses and shoes and bags and hairclips and BIKINIS !! its SUMMER TIME and jezzuz its fuken hot in perth !! anyone wants to donate ? i promise ill kiss you here ill kiss you there xx

and yes , shes the reason why i suffer financially ..

but shes jst really worth it :)

love her to bits <3>

fugly cheap kinky gold-digger bitch whore with no soul

2007-03-05T15:15:00.000+08:00

ketika sesuatu yang buruk yang kamu baca di koran , tonton di tv , dengar di radio , perbincangan dengan teman .. terjadi pada orang lain , hal itu seperti sebuah soap opera yang terjadi di kehidupan nyata .

tapi ketika kejadian itu mendekati kamu , kamu seperti kehilangan satu detak jantung dan melorot ke bumi tanpa pijakan .

**********

kemarin ada temen gw Z cerita kalo cowok nya , Q , ngaku kalo ternyata selama 5 last months ini dia selingkuh sama cewek lain . nah lho . kaget banged bo gw . well emang sih , mereka bukan pasangan yang complete each others sentences , yang selalu lovey dovey , yang kemana mana berdua terus kae ulet bulu . malah , attitude and behaviour Q selama ini ke Z emang bisa dibilang jahat . jahant banget . malah Q kaenya udah biasa banget mukul / dorong / tampar / Z di depan gw . tapi .. Z itu sumpah mati sayaaang banget sama Q .. dia rela ngasi semuanya buat Q , rela disakitin physically and emotionally , dan tetep ada disana buat Q for over these 3 years .

dan sekarang masalahnya bukan lagi soal affair nya Q and .. oh whats her name again ?

fugly cheap kinky gold-digger bitch whore with no soul .

oh yeah , thats right . thats her name .

iyah jadi sekarang masalahnya , nyokapnya si kinkywhore ngancem Q buat ksi tau bokap nya Q klo they two already had sex hence Q took away kinkywhores virginity . and she wants Q to marry her kinkywhore daughter . engaged , at least . since mereka masih muda banged .

oh well . mungkin banyak yang bilang cowok itu bangsat brengsek munafik etc etc .. but i think i noe Q enuf to noe that hes jst .. not that kind of guy , you noe ?

dan gw emang denger sendiri dari kinkywhore , dia ngaku klo shes the one yang gak mau break off their affair for hell so many times .. dan dia juga ngaku klo dia emang yang ngejer ngejer Q . FYI : pardon moi , kinkywhore bisa dibilang bukan termasuk keluarga yang cukup . and Q is .. hella rich . so yeah you do the math .

ok , well maybe kinkywhore memang .. lets say , tergilagila sama Q . fine, so be it . but i think , deep deep deep inside kinkywhores black heart .. ada kepikiran soal kekayaan Q .

dan TA-DAA .. setelah itu nyokapnya kinkywhore telvon nyokapnya Q buat ngomongin masalah ini . pertamatama dia nuntut supaya Q mau married with kinkywhore .. and one thing led to another .. akhirannya dia minta uang .

and then kinkwhores family started to kirim kirim sms ke Qs family and himself and Z yang isinya teror dan ngancem ngancem mau bunuh Qs family .. klo mereka gak dikasi uang .

SICK . sick sick sick sick .

and guess what Z did ?

Z hugged Q so tight and comforted him and was telling him over and over again that things are gonna be okay eventually . Z bilang dia masih ada disana buat Q and shes gonna help Q to go through with it together .

it jst amazes me .. how she jst .. doesnt love him any less .

*sigh* cinta itu .. extremely powerful ya ?